BOIZ 1ST TIME
It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him.he's done this many times before. his cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He is at you concerned and asks you if it's painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He stares at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin' hmmm....I know what you were thinking 
Electric train joke
electric train joke
Electric Train A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
CHAV JOKES
1. What do you call a Chav in a box? Innit.
2. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
3. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe.
4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav? Innuinnit.
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride.
7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? What you lookin' at?"
10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box? Paint three stripes on it.
11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police
12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's? A liar.
13. What do you say to a chav with a job? Can I have a big mac please
14. What do you say to a chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand
15. What do u call a knife in chav-ville? Exhibit A
16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4
17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette? Granny.
18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb? One, they'll screw anything.
19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.
20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor? None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."
21. Why did the chav take a shower? He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash
22. Why did the Chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger
23. What do you call a Chav at college? The cleaner.
24. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
25. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins? Society
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Funny msn nicknames
Do I look like im not lazy?
People said I was dumb, but I proved them
There's nothing wrong with anything.
Life is hilariously cruel :D
My folks were always asking me to wear underpants. What am I, the pope?
This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me!
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons
Three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on
You don't hear me not complaning
Would you kindly shut your noise-hole
Yes, that sequence of words I just said made perfect sense
I'm calling the police!... Right after I flush some tings.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
I'm not handicaped, I'm just LAZY!
I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. where the HECK is my roof?!
There's a *NEW* Mexico?!?
I'm telling you ociffer, I'm not drunk!
Dain Bramaged.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
>> I am nobody, no body is perfect, therefore i am perfect! ;)
Reality: An illusion due to lack of alcohol.
[Roses are red, Violets Are blue, When god gave brains, Where the hell where you :|]
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
[When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you]
-=Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!!=-
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance!
[I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!]
Dont steal, the government hates competition!
Yes.. It was I who let the dogs out!
Don't drink and drive, you could spill the drink in your car!
[2 + 2 = 5] for extremely large values of 2.
My cat's name is mittens!
Roses r red Violets r blue God made me beautiful But what the hell did he do to you!
Act your age, not your shoe size!
God created man first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!
~*~What happens if you get scared half to death 2 timez?~*~
Dig a lil hole Planet a lil seed Grow a lil tree Smoke a lil weed
You cant have everything, Where would u put it?
You were so cute as a baby... what happened?!?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
I'm knot dumb!
My door is always open so feel free to leave
This DOG is a good DOG way DOG to keep an fool DOG busy DOG. Read this again without DOG.
Be selfish just once... If your upset, take someone elses life instead of your own!
I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met ur brother!
I love ur smile and ur eyes...Damn im good at telling lies! :D
I'd Get Up And Do Something With Myself, But I'd Rather Stay In Bed!
:) My darling my love, my beautiful wife. Marrying you screwed up my life :S
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?!?!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them... I have others.
You may be only young once, but you can be immature forever!
I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder!
Hate: A special kind of love given to people who suck
(8)roll roll roll ur joint, gently down the line, take a toke, inhale dat smoke, and blow ur friggin mind!(8)
Damn right I'm good in bed i can sleep for hours!
Now that I have a gun...u may run or hide :P
Knowledge Is Knowing That A Tomato Is A Fruit, Wisdom Is Not Putting It In A Fruit Salad.
God made elfs God made deers God made u such a queer
Im not crazy, ask mr bunny and mrs dodo here
If u want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen
In jail u get food, in jail u get tea, in jail u get anything butt... the KEY!
I have a picture of u, I think its very nice, I put it under my bed... 2 scare away the mice!
I tought u were crazy, now i c ur nuts!
DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF!
Life's a game. FISHING IS SERIOUS!
Be kool.. Dont go to school :D
Silence is Golden.. But Shouting IS fun!
It Worries Me How Dumb You Are
Roll roll roll your joint, twist down the end, take a puff thats enough, pass it to a friend!
I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it
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